Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
