You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
