im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
