Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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