You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
