So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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