So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
