his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My dick has a subreddit
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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