he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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