I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
