Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
