So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
