I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
