I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
