Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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