jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
