Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
