I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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