Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
