He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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