3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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