my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
