bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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