doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
