First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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