It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
