True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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