1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
