well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
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The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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