I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
