it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
