God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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