wanna go halves on a baby?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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