This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can't turn off my feet"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
