just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There r osticjed everywhere
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Bring me that man meat
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
