I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
