haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
