i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
