Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
