i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
