sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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