woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
