if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
