oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
