the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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