I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
