I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
