im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
