Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
