mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
