Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
