i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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