textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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