I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
