But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
