carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
