I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
