I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
