I just threw up on my dentist
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize