How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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