apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
