So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
