Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
