If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
