youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
