Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
