I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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