I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
