woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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