If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
