instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
