College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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