i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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