there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
