do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
