they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
