she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
