I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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