my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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